Chapter 1 : The Goldfish In Search of Water

Not wanting to break years of xbhp tradition and invoke the wrath of the biking gods who have taken good care of bikers from Bangalore, the rest of the group arrives almost an hour late at our rendezvous point, which for once I honestly didn't mind. As I stood there waiting at the petrol pump watching bus after bus carry hundreds of IT professionals to yet another monotonous day at the office, it struck me that it was almost like walking past aquariums filled with multi coloured fish for who the entire world unfortunately consisted of 4 glass walls.

Except that in this case the fish were mostly young people dressed in their Friday finest and that it was their aquariums that were moving. Being one of IT brigade, it was a moment of realisation that was bittersweet as I knew that despite all the miles that would be clocked and endless laughs that would be shared, it would be back to the grind come Monday and I too would be swimming around my little tank oblivious to the world out there that was calling. A goldfish I well and truly am.

My mind has this this funny habit of pulling out lyrics of songs according to the situation at hand but occassionally it plays tricks on me & DJ Mynd (keeping with the trend of misspelling your name if you are a DJ) spins the wrong song. I would be seeing a lot of that this weekend.

Said woman take it slow

It'll work itself out fine

All we need is just a little patience

Said sugar make it slow

And we'll come together fine

All we need is just a little patience

Patience, patience, patience

Ooh, oh, yeah

(Patience, Guns N Roses)

Right title, wrong lyrics. Eventually after the mandatory photoshoots & confusion clearing we manage to get rolling and what better way to start off a road trip than a short blast down the aptly titled NICE road. Deceptively bumpy but mercifully empty tolled roads meant that we were off to a good start and an hour later we stopped for breakfast after having covered nearly 60 kms. The ride seemed to have whetted the appetites of all our riders who wolfed down the dosas and idlis without leaving a morsel for the monkeys who had to resort to stealing a sugar cane from the juice vendor.

The waiter having a tough time finding place to keep more food on the table

Our supposedly short breakfast stop took the better part of three quarters of an hour and soon we were off to Mysore which meant nice winding roads that were blessed with speed breakers that rather annoyingly pop up just as you begin enjoying the roads. The light traffic meant we thought we covered a fair number of kms for the next 100 minutes but our odometers told a different story. We realised everyone's bike couldnt possibly be giving a wrong reading and racked our brains to figure out where we lost time while simultaneously ensuring circulation of blood to our by now numb bottoms.

Hello

Is there anybody in there

Just nod if you can hear me

Is there anybody home?

Come on

Now

I hear youre feeling down

I can ease your pain

Get you on your feet again

(Comfortably Numb, Pink Floyd)

The break certainly did all of us a world of good and we were determined to make it to Wayanad on time but disaster struck a few minutes later as the screw that held the rear view mirror on one of the bikes decided that it had had enough of its dull existence and popped out without any warning. We spent 15 minutes hunting for a make shift replacement by which time the rest of the group had carried on ahead.

While trying to catch up with them, we reached a T Junction and since there were only 2 localites around I asked them the way to Wayanad. One of them confidently pointed to the left and said we needed to carry on straight while the other pointed to the right and said with equal surety that we needed to carry on straight. Blistering barnacles! We followed the advice of Snagglepuss and exited stage left which turned out to be the wrong road after all.

Snagglepuss: "Exit Stage Left"

Soon we regrouped and by the 170 km mark business picked up as the bumpy under construction roads gave way to butter smooth tarmac that was lined with endless coconut trees. Turns out that we were riding past the Mysore Airport which explained the excellent roads and higher density of traffic. The odometer was at the 180 km mark when I realised that I had the sun behind me and gloomy dark grey clouds ahead and were riding right into them. Enough to break out into a grin.

6 kms later, the grin widened as I laid my eyes on the deliciously wet roads and puddles that had formed on the sides. A couple of minutes later our progress was halted as we have to circumvent a bullock cart using tyres from a truck that had a puncture and the bulls were making their displeasure known by leaving generous helpings of dung in the middle of the road. Only in India!

By now the grey skies were tantalisingly close and I slowed down to take in the sight - 5 bikes riding towards the promise of a very wet reception hosted by a sky that was majestically draped in different shades of grey. At the first signs of a drizzle we stopped and bought out our raincoats but rather annoyingly the drizzle slowed down in a few minutes. It also led me to the discovery that the rain proof cover that came with my tank bag was a shocking shade of yellow!

We began crossing picture perfect sunflower fields that predictably have me humming away to glory.

You'll remember me

When the west wind moves

Upon the fields of barley

You'll forget the sun

In his jealous sky

As we walk in fields of gold

(Fields of Gold, Sting)

We halted for what was a very late lunch which was exactly what you expect to get on a long ride like this, nothing fancy but just about good enough to keep your stomach happy. Everyone was a little cheesed off that we hadn't been hit by monsoon showers even after several hours of riding but we were expecting our luck to take a turn for the better pretty soon.

The hills are soon sighted and the hint of a drizzle has us all raincoated up with silly grins plastered on our faces. The artist that is Mother Nature had decided to apply liberal doses of green to the surrounding flora and as we entered the forest area we knew we were in for a royal treat. Lovely but imperfect roads surrounded by an imposing and yet charming forest made every second of our ride memorable.

A wild picture in the forest

One mandatory picture stop later we were back on the roads with the rain gods still tantalizing us with the lure of heavy showers. We got waves from several people driving past us who were happy to see people dumb enough to be riding towards the showers while everyone was driving away from it. 247 kms into the ride I finally heaved a sigh of relief as I began to spot heavy drops of rain pounding the earth but we were, to borrow a basketball term, rejected!

10 kms later we crossed into Kerala and the rain kissed roads were predictably bumpy as hell and by now I was praying for even a couple of minutes of rain as I knew we were nearing our hotel.

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs

That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

(Unaswered Prayers, Garth Brooks)

As much as I love Garth Brooks, I had to disagree with him in this case. The man up there should have listened to our desperate pleas to the rain gods and showered his blessings on us. Little did we know what was in store for us the next day. We rode into our hotel by around 6 and after freshening up I met most of the riders from the Kerala contingent over dinner.

Like true men, our guys indulged in a battle of mine is bigger than yours or rather my headlights are brighter than yours which made for a truly enlightening experience (pardon the pun).

No the aliens haven't landed, its just a headlight war at a G2G

A lot of catching up with old buddies & discussions on all things under the biking universe with new friends meant that it was pretty late before I called it a night. The goldfish wasn't happy that he hadn't found water all day but the promise of heavy showers on Day 2 meant that I went to sleep with a smile.

See you on Monday

Before I plunge into my experimentation with the travelogue of my rain soaked weekend trip to Wayanad, there are a few terms that you will encounter over the next couple of posts that need to be explained to ensure you don't get lost in an acronym fest.

Xbhp - Officially they are India's most popular motorcycling community and portal that aims to

1. Promote safe riding and helmet awareness

2. Shape motorcycling as a lifestyle in India, especially on performance bikes

3. Support bikers in India to realise their dreams and potential on two wheels

Unofficially they are India's biggest biking portal that provides a great platform for you to meet and ride with other like minded biking enthusiasts and also to interact with them in an active online forum. When I joined the Xbhp group rides a couple of years ago, I thought I was a safe and due to my years of riding a bike, good biker. However there were several things which I learnt from the other experienced members which I try to pass on to newbie riders now that I have become something of a senior (I'm not that old, I've been claiming to be 23 for the last few years) rider. I infrequently attend Sunday morning rides that are the perfect antidote for all that's wrong with your Monday to Saturdays.

The parking lot of a Sunday morning ride

ISG2G (Inter State Gettogether) - This is what happens when you have had enough of 150 odd km Sunday morning rides and the itch to ride longer distances grows until it becomes unbearable. Planning happens on the forum and as excitement levels reach a fever pitch riders from 3 different South Indian states - Kerala, Tamil Nadu & Karnataka converge onto a small town or hill station and ride together as one in the spirit of true biking brotherhood.

Its the perfect place to meet old friends and relive memories of rides gone by as well as to meet new bikers (both young and old) and make biking memories to last a lifetime. It is amazing to see gentlemen who are dads and nearly twice the age of some of our members riding for such long distances with us and being an integral part of the group. Deep respect. As the saying goes "Boys will be boys".

Here's what the parking of the ISG2G (Yercaud) looked like. And this was just half of our total bikes. Yes half.

Wayanad - Officially Wayanad, the green paradise is nestled among the mountains of the Western Ghats, forming the border world of the greener part of Kerala. Clean and pristine, enchanting and hypnotizing, this land is filled with history and culture. Located at a distance of 76 km. from the sea shores of Kozhikode, this verdant hill station is full of plantations, forests and wildlife. Wayanad hills are contiguous to Mudumalai in Tamil Nadu and Bandhipur in Karnataka, thus forming a vast land mass for the wild life to move about in their most natural abode.

Unofficially, curvy roads meet unbelievably green forests meet mist clad mountains meet the ever generous in the month of June rain gods to make for a cocktail that provides a rush of blood to any true bikers head.

Now that the acronyms are taken care of, a quick note before I get on with the show. If you're a traveller and are expecting a proper travelogue, this isnt one. If you're an xbhpian and are looking for the usual 'The Tourer' post, Im sorry but this isnt one. I've tried to capture a different side of such rides both through the lens and through my thoughts.

Prologue

Friend - "So you and your crazy biker friends are going to Wayanad this weekend, is it?"

Me - "Yup."

Friend - "Ok (long drawn ok signifying something doesnt add up). But why? Its monsoon season and its going to be pouring and the roads will be wet and slippery."

Me - "Actually we are going because its the monsoon season and and its going to be pouring and the roads will be wet, slippery and hence a whole lot of fun."

Friend - "(Puzzled look on his face accompanied by a minutes silence as he tries to make sense of what I just said) Errr, see you on Monday."

My Garage : 1967 Ford Mustang GT

The 1:24 scale model of the 1967 Ford Mustang GT was the first model car that I picked up & I haven’t looked back since. The Mustang is my favourite muscle car of its generation and it was in 1967 that the Mustang received its first major redesign and several other changes to keep it ahead of the competition. There was an optional 390-cubic-inch 6.4L V-8 motor capable of putting out a grin inducing 320 hp. A little known fact is that the car nicknamed Elanor which Nicholas Cage has a fascination for in the movie Gone In 60 Seconds was actually modeled on the 1967 Shelby GT500 Mustang.

Would I buy one: Probably not. Its going to be more than a handful on Indian roads and parking it is going to be a nightmare.

Would I drive one: Of course. In the same shade of red. Down an empty American highway. God bless muscle cars.

Saturday Mornings

Like most other boys I too grew up playing with He-Man and G.I. Joe toys which resulted in many fun Saturday mornings considering the fact that the corresponding cartoons were our staple diet during the pre – cable days of Indian television. Along with these we also had our Hotwheels cars which were pretty awesome when you were’nt yet 10 years old. I spent endless hours directing and enacting exciting car chase sequences with impressive (considering my age) story lines filled with twists and turns with my wonderful cast of Hotwheels cars.

Fast forward a few years and one fine Saturday morning I stumbled upon a telemarketing program on some obscure Australian channel that was somehow getting picked up by my cable operator, which really grabbed my attention. Now I’m as skeptical of these telemarketing shows as the next guy but the reason why I was hooked was because they were selling scale model cars. Which for the uninitiated are replicas of actual cars that have been scaled down to size. The hosts did a pretty commendable job of describing each model in detail and every Saturday morning I used to pull out a calculator to convert the cost of each model which I fancied into Rupees. Not that it was of much help seeing as I was still in school and several years away from earning from first salary. Nonetheless it was my first brush with scale model cars and I continued to watch the show faithfully every Saturday till my cable operator decided to replace the channel.

Fast forward by about a decade and I had built up a small collection of model bikes over the years but it was only after I began working that I started paying attention to the available models in the toy section of each store. I stayed away from cars for quite a while, primarily because my income wasn’t matching my expenditure but eventually I took the plunge and bought my first 1:24 scale model car – the iconic 1967 Ford Mustang GT. And one by one, my collection has slowly grown to the extent that I’ve had to displace some of my books from the shelves of my place only because I prefer keeping the cars (in their original packing) there instead. Saturday mornings were spent experimenting with photography on any new addition to the garage. Bliss.

One brand that I have not been able to lay my hands on was Ferrari and even though they seem to have lost the plot and forgone the option of making achingly beautiful cars, I knew I would eventually add the company to my garage. Recently I picked up my first assembly kit for the gorgeous Ferrari 430 and spent a thoroughly enjoyable hour today morning putting it together and then photographing it. And I have another one which I need to assemble next weekend – the Pininfarina designed Enzo Ferrari. I also have set my eyes on the assembly kit of the Ferrari 360 Modena, which I hope to pick up in silver.

In fact the only thing better than photographing the cars in your garage is putting them together and then photographing them. No wonder I love Saturday mornings!

7 reasons ....

"You're mad!" is the first thing I heard when I told a friend of mine that I was planning to ride down home for Christmas. Alone. "You do know that Indian roads are unsafe and riding along 500 odd kms in one day on your bike is stupid, don’t you?". I silently nodded my head. "What’s the longest distance you have ever ridden alone?" "A couple of hundred kms" I mumbled. "You will have to speak louder, did you say 200 kms?" asked my by now agitated friend. "So from a maximum of 200 kms you want to do 550 kms. What if something happens on the way? Can you fix any major issues on your bike? So why can’t you just hop on a train and go home instead of being an idiot and riding all day?"

To be honest, I didn’t really have any answers that day and if memory serves me right, I quickly made up some excuse and scampered out of there before my friend started shouting. One of those feet don’t fail me now moments in life. Now that I’ve done the same solo trip twice I think I might have some answers that are listed below in no particular order

1. The chance to set your alarm for some ridiculously early hour

Like most normal people, I enjoy my sleep. There's nothing more enjoyable than waking up on a weekend, realizing that its the weekend and going back to sleep for another couple of hours. Which means that Ive never had to set my alarm for 4 AM. Just like I've never had to pick up the phone & dial the queen. Since I always prefer setting out for rides early in the morning (to beat the heat & the traffic) I do get the once in a bluemoon chance to wake up at the same time as when I usually go to sleep on a friday night. Come to think of it, it would be pretty interesting to give the queen a call & ask her whatsup ....

2. The chance to go on an insect killing spree

Ever wondered what it must be like to run as fast as your legs can take you and suddenly find a wall in front of you? Maybe you should ask all the insects that you will find plastered on your helmet visor if they arent in insect heaven already. You can almost hear the words from that very popular video game ringing in your head - "Killing Spree!" as you take off your helmet and look at your polka dotted visor. Unlike the video game, here you really do have blood on your hands or rather .5 ml of insect blood on your helmet.

Depending on your luck (or rather, lack of it) you just might bump into something larger than an insect. Recently I almost headbutted a low flying eagle while doing close to a ton. Had that face to face encounter happened I might have been lying spread eagled (no pun intended) in the middle of the highway ....

3. The chance to be instantly popular

Try doing a solo long distance ride during holiday season and you are bound to find yourself riding with countless other families safely ensconced in the comfort of their cars. So much for the joy of riding alone ..... Anyways since family cars (distinctly different from cabs ferrying families) prefer to be slow and steady, you end up overtaking them on the road and they in turn overtake you while you’re on a butt break. The first time they pass you as you are busy trying to revive blood circulation in your posterior, they stare at you while probably thinking that you’re stark raving mad to be riding alone and even more nuts to be standing on a national highway & rubbing your rear end. The second time they pass you, they point excitedly like they’ve just spotted the abominable snowman. The third time they spot you, the kids are so thrilled that I’m scared one day one of them will jump up in excitement and bang his head on the roof of the car. If you’re lucky, people will take snaps of you as well. Like the paparazzi. Enough o make you feel like a celebrity. Even if it is only for a few seconds.

4. The chance to feel more alive in 5 minutes than you have in the last 5 weeks

If it seems that work and the monotony of your day to day existence has smothered you into kingdom boredom, then a long highway ride is what you need. Preferrably a highway that includes (to borrow a line from Sabu) homicidal, suicidal and genocidal bus drivers. Like the ones in Coimbatore. Trust me, there’s nothing like seeing a fully loaded bus trying to overtake a slow moving lorry approaching you from the opposite side of a narrow 2 lane highway & then realising that the bus is not going to be able to overtake the lorry & doesn’t have any intention of making way for you either. Suddenly you're less than 50 feet away from meeting your maker & your brain bursts into frenetic activity as you search for escape routes. A little offroading, a mild dose of abuses & a lot of heart pounding later, you’re relieved to be in 1 piece and suddenly the road seems enticing again.

5. The chance to discover new personal favourites

Think about it, do you have a favourite bus stop? I do, its one nearly 60 kms from Bangalore where I usually take my first pit stop. Why favourite you ask? There was this one time when I was taking some pictures while resting at this bus stop when I realised that there was a nearly naked old man wandering about the fields oblivious to the fact that I had unfortunately and inadvertently photographed his bottom in all its glory. Each time I pass the bus stop I get a bout of the heebie jeebies but cant help but smile as I think of the horror that rang through my mind as I looked at the picture on my camera.

Or take this hill for example that is around 150 odd kms from Bangalore. I don’t know what it is about this but every time I ride past I have to stop, gaze at it fondly, take a snap and ride on with a grin on my face. Trust me, I have no clue why this happens.

6. The chance to turn the tide of a conversation with a woman you have just met

Ok so you're at a friends place and you've just been introduced to an interesting woman and predictably the conversation is going nowhere. This would be the perfect time for your common friend to pop in, make some light hearted comments and mention that you're a nut because you've just ridden 500 kms alone. In these modern times, men do not have a chance to go hunt lions and carry them back on their shoulders or brave impossible odds and throw a ring into a volcano. Somewhere along the way, doing crazy distances on a bike while riding alone became accepted by women as a modern day feat of bravery. It’s obvious that in an instant you have been upgraded from "Oh, he seems nice" to "Hmm interesting".

The key to getting into the "Very interesting" category lies in modesty & humour. For example, when she asks you "Isnt it difficult to ride such a long distance alone?" you're not supposed to answer "I’m at expert at biking and I can do long distances in super short time because of my excellent riding skills & my physical endurance ....". Instead joke about how dumb you are to have done the ride. Dismissing your riding feats like they were nothing is the easiest way to get a woman to add you on Facebook and get her phone number as well.

7. The chance to get new desktop wallpapers - clicked by you!

With their crazy schedules and balancing work, friends and family, the closest most people get to experiencing nature's grandeur is through their desktop wallpapers. You surely don’t want to be one of those kinds now do you? Enough said.

Frankly you could have your own top 10 reasons for why you want to head out and explore our country (or ride home) on 2 wheels. So stop listening to your friends, do your travel planning, gear up and hit the roads. Unless, of course, one of your reasons is "I’m mad!"